0Yo mama is so ugly, her incubator was tinted.

Yo mama is so ugly, puts face in cookie dough to make gorilla cookies.

yo mama is so fat, she mainlines porkchops.

Yo mama is so fat, she sweats BBQ sauce.

Yo mama is so fat, she don't wear Daisey Dukes, she wears Boss Hoggs.

Yo mama is so fat, looks like she has a pack of hot dogs on her neck.

Yo mama is so cross eyed, when she cries, tears go down her back.

Yo mama is so stupid, it took her an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.

Yo mama is so ugly, she has to wear a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.

yo mama is so cross eyed, she looks out the front door and sees the back yard.

Yo mama is so old, she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

Yo Mama so fat she could sell shade.

Yo Mama so fat when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.

Yo Mama so fat if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!

Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

Yo mama's so fat she's not kidding when she says "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!"

Yo mama's so fat people call her moses, cause every time she steps in water it parts!



Yo mama so poor...

...when I rang the doorbell of her house the toilet flushed

...when I went through front door of her house I ended up in the backyard

...when I went into her house and stepped on a ciggarette, she said,"hey who turned off the heater?"

...when I went into her house a cockroach tripped me and an ant stole my wallet.



Yo Mama so poor that all she could afford to exchange at Christmas were glances.

Yo Mama so poor that she couldn't even afford to scratch an itch.

Yo Mama so poor that she ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo Mama so poor that when you asked what was for dinner yo mama put her foot on the table, pointed to her feet, and said "Corn"

Yo Mama so poor that when someone asked where the bathroom was, she replied "Pick a corner... any corner.


Yo mamma's so stupid, she climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

Yo mamma's so stupid, it took her ten minutes to cook Minute Rice.

Yo mamma's so stupid, she stared at a Ford for an hour because it said "Focus."

Yo mamma's so stupid, she got locked in a supermarket for a night and starved to death.

Yo mamma's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.

Yo mamma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Yo Mama's so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo Mama's so stupid she clicked on an Ad Banner!

Yo Mama's so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

Yo Mama's so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo Mama's so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo Mama's so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo Mama's so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

yo mamma is so fat, she has to take a bath at sea world.

Yo Mamma so stupid, she got locked in a supermarket and starved to death!!!


Yo Momma so fat..

... She was born on the 8th, 9th and 10th of July.

... She walked past me & her shadow broke my foot.

... This morning I had coffee with 2 lumps, her and her mother.

... The curtains have made her a lovely skirt.


Your Mama's so stupid
·she orders a cheese burger from 'McDonalds' and says "hold the cheese"!

·she studied for a blood test and failed!

·she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.

·she thought meow mix was a record for cats.

·she took lessons for a player piano.

·she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.

·she spent 30 minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said 'concentrate'!

·at the bottom of an application where it says 'Sign Here' - she put Sagittarius!

·if you gave her a penny for her thoughts you'd get change.

·she asked me, "What's the number for 911?"!

·she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged!

·she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept!

·she sold the car for gas money!

·she took a spoon to the Super Bowl!

·she tried to drown herself in a carpool!

·she tried to steal a free sample!

·she was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!"!

·when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved!

·when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line, she put "O.K."!

·when she took you to the airport and a sign said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home!

·when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead!

·when I told her to "Take the trash out," she moved!

·you can tell when she's used the computer because there's White Out all over the screen!

·when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon!

·when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends!

·she wouldn't know up from down if she had three guesses!

·they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade!

·when I said we were playing craps she went and got toilet paper!

·she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project!

·she thought Thailand was a men's clothing store!

·she thought the board of education was a piece of wood!

·she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest!

·she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!

·she asked me, "what's that letter after X" and I said Y she said "Cause I want to know"!

·she ordered her sushi well done!

·she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find the "11" button in "9-1-1"!

·if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless!

·it takes her an hour to cook minute rice!

·she got hit by a parked car!

·she sold the house to pay the mortgage!

·she tried to drown a fish!

·she tripped over a cordless phone!

·when she saw a "Wrong Way" sign in her rearview mirror, she turned around!

·she'd have to be twice as smart to become a half-wit!

·when the judge said "Order in the court," she said "I'll have a hamburger and a Coke."!

·when her husband lost his marbles she bought him new ones!

·when she worked at McDonald's and someone ordered small fries, she said "Hey Boss, all the small one's are gone."!

·she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album!

·she thought asphalt was a skin disease!

·she sent me a fax with a stamp on it!

·she put on a coat to chew winterfresh gum!

·she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses!

·if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose!

·I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, I asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail!

·she went to the Gap to get her teeth fixed!

·she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu!

·she thought the Internet was something you catch fish with!

·she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center!

·she asked for a price check at the dollar store!

·she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jiff!

·she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's!

·that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."!

·she put a peephole in a glass door!

·she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death!

·she thought a quarterback was a refund!

·she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut!

·when I gave her a dollar and asked for a quater back, she gave me Dan Marino!

·she thought she could get food stamps at the post office!

·she tried to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff!

·she tried to mail a letter with food stamps!

·I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod!

·it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

·she thought hamburger helper came with another person!

·I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it!

·she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company!

·she can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the box!

·she called the 7-11 to see when they closed!

·when we drove past the YMCA she said "Hey look, they spelled macy's wrong!"

·she jumped off a building in attempt to fly because she thought her maxi pad had wings!

·the worst six years of her life were grade three!

·she got locked in a bathroom and peed her pants!




Your Mama's So Ugly

 ·she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she was hit with the ugly log!

·kids dress up as her for Halloween!

·she makes blind children cry!

·you could stick her face in dough and it would make monster cookies!

·I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back."!

·if you looked up ugly in the dictionary her picture would be next to it!

·people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen!

·people hang her picture in their basements to scare the rats away!

·she looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning!

·her shadow ran away from her!

·I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application!

·I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a pay check!

·people at the circus pay money not to see her!

·she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork!

·that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!

·that she went to an ugly contest and they said "sorry no professionals"!

·just after she was born, her mama said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."!

·her face is closed on weekends!

·her dentist treats her by mail-order!

·she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back!

·the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

·when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks!

·when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her!

·that if ugly were an Olympic event, she would be the dream team!

·when she passes by a bathroom the toilet flushes!

·they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty!

·she's never seen herself 'cause the mirrors keep breaking!

·she looks like she's been in a dryer filled with rocks!

·she looks like she got hit with a bag of "What the fuck?!?!"!

·she hurts my feelings!

·she gets 7 years bad luck when ever trying to look at herself in the mirror!

·Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

·even the elephant man paid to see her!

·even the tide won't come back in!

·that if ugly were a crime, she'd get the electric chair!

·your dad takes her to work just so he doesn't have to kiss her good-bye!

·when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows!

·they rub tree branches on her face to make ugly sticks!

·she has to trick or treat over the phone!

·she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares!

·my dog took one look at her and ran away!

·her pillow cries at night!

·she has a sign in her yard that says "Beware of Dog."!

·that when she was a baby, her parents had to feed her with a slingshot!

·you're dad first met her at the pound!

·when she was born, the doctor slapped her and her parents!

·she tied a pork chop around her neck and the dog still wouldn't play with her!

·if she were a scarecrow, the corn would run away!

·it looks like she ran the 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym!

·they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints!

·when she moved into the projects, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains!

·when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras!

·she has to creep up on water to get a drink!

·her mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her!

·they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars!

·they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!

·she practices birth control by leaving the lights on!

·we put her in the kennel when we go on vacation!

·the psychiatrist makes her lie face down!

·Greenpeace mistook her for an endangered elephant!

·her face is like a peice of modern art you can't tell what it is!

·Medusa is jealous!

·her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel!

·she could scare the moss off a rock!!

·she has to creep up on her makeup!

·it looks like she's been bobbing for french fries!

·when she was born the doctor smacked everyone!

·when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming!


Yo mama so fat.....

She could declare herself as a country.

When she gets up, it turns into night.

When she walks around, people yell "RUN RUN... Godzilla!"

When she farts the makes a crater in the earth.

When she jumps she knocks the earth out of orbit.

NASA Plans to use her to plug the hole in the ozone layer.

At any given time, there are folk running around her for exercise.

Her graduation photo has to be taken by sattelite.

She measures 38-26-36 and that's just her nose.

She creates her own gravitational pull, thus small objects orbit around her.

She sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and turned it into a Gameboy.

Her belt size is measured in miles.

When jets fly by they pick her up on their radar.

She makes the grand canyon look like a basement crack.

When she eats and she's not satisfied she eats the fridge too.

When she has something stuck in her teeth, the has to use the Seattle Space Needle.





Your mom is so old....

Her birthday certificate expired.

She was the only one in Jurrasic Park that they din't have to animate.

She got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.

She started to fart out mummy dust.

Her zip code is 00001.

She used to baby sit Yoda.

She got Adam and Eve's autograph hung on her wall.

Even Santa Clause is jealous.

She used to chill with the Flintstones.

She left her purse on Noah's Ark.

She still owes moses two dollars.

When there is a dispute about history, they ask her.

She remembers when the earth was one giant continent.

She once killed a dinosaur.